Find Me

I can feel this sinking. I can taste this defeat. I can hear the damn cries of uncertainty eating away at me. I want to feel alive again. But you're gone. And I have nothing left to say but why wasn't it me instead? I let you burn this hole of insecurity into me for too long now. All I want is out. I want out of this pain. I want out of this life long debt. I need to feel this breath again. I want to breathe again. I don't want to run, she means the world to me, but when I'm not much to live for, why does she stay? Just when I think things get better, they all turn away. I fall to pieces everytime and then you come along into my mind. You shot that bullet through your head, can I follow your example? Or would it be the wrong turn? Would I bring others down with me? Or would this downfall be of all my own accord? Just like soldiers we all fall down. You hit that snare and tap those drum beats, hoping that sweet melody won't falter, but then the muscles tense and fail to keep going, what's left to listen to? I fall everytime I think of you. She won't let me fall anymore, but can't I do the same for her? It doesn't seem so. I guess I could always just hope for the best, give her everything she's ever wished for. Wanting her to always be happy. I need her in my life, but what happens when I die? What if she gets hurt? Why would I do that to her? She doesn't deserve it. She deserves the best. She deserves better than me. All that I am, want and could be. Torn apart from the inside out, I listen to these lyrics. I play these songs. I feel this void. All I want is to be free. Find me somewhere among all this rubish. Find me. I won't suffer. Be broken. Get tired. Or wasted. Surrender to nothing. Or give up what I started. From end to beginning. A new day is coming. And I am finally free.