♥

Forever;

It's That Time Again
That Time Where I Find Myself Thinking Of You
You're Here Again
In My Mind So Securely, Everytime
I'm Happy Now
I Have You, In My Arms
Forever

Dreams;

I Fall Asleep Every Night Just To See Your Face
I Fall Asleep Every Night Just To Hear Your Voice
I Fall Asleep Every Night Just To Know You're There
I Fall Asleep Every Night, Wishing To Be Somewhere
Anywhere You Are I Crave
Anywhere You Need To Be
Is Everywhere I'd Love To See
As Long As You Are Next To Me

Falling;

Sometimes I Stay Up At Night Just To Think About You
To Think Of How You Smell, Sound, Look, And Act
I Think of Every Little Detail About You
The Slight Dimples Of Your Smile
The Straightness Of Your Teeth
And The Little Twang In Your Giggle
I Think About All Of It
And You Know What?
I Smile.

In The Darkness;

You Are My Light
You Are My Savior
You Are My Life
Breathe Air Into These Broken Lungs
Flow Blood Through These Empty Veins
And Darling
Please!
Use Your Duct Tape On My Heart
It Needs You

I Do;

I Do: It All For You
I Do: Love You
I Do: Need You
I Do: Want You
I Do: Wish For Your Happiness
I Do: Want To Marry You
I Do: Think About You Constantly
And I Do: Give You All Of Me.

Lost;

You Confuse Me So Much
And I Love Every Second Of It
I Want To Show You So Much
But I Can Never Give You Enough Of It
You Amaze Me In Every Way Possible
And I Can Never Stop Smiling Because Of It
I Need You In My Life Forever
And You Want To Be Here For Me
I Want You In My Life Forever
And You'll Never Let Me Leave

I'm Broken;

I'm Trying
Trying For You
Stop Pushing

In These Moments;

I Find Peace
I Find Sanctuary
I Look Towards The Skies
And I See Your Face
I Close My Eyes
And You're Everywhere
I Need You By My Side
Forever
Those Words I Will Always Continue To Scream
Because They're The Deepest Truth
I've Ever
Sang

I Trust You;

I Lay It All On The Line Here
Every Single Piece Of Me
Right Here For You
I Can't Give You More
I'm Sorry If It's Not Enough
I Can't Let This Go
You're All I Want
I'm Just Falling To Pieces In Front Of You
I'm Trembling At Your Words In An IM
I Smile At The Slightest Mention Of Your Love For Me
I Can't Help But Need You Every Second Of The Day
I Am Constantly Thinking About You
I Wish There Was More I Could Give You
Everything I Have Is Yours
Not A Single Shred Less
All Of It
You Can Take Whatever You Like
All I Want It That Smile On Your Face
Because I Love It When You Smile
I Love It When You Giggle
I Absolutely Adore It When You Yawn
I Can't Get Enough Of Your Singing
Every Single Word You Write Pulls At My Heart
All Of You Runs Through My Thoughts Every Single Second Of Every Single Day
Wanting You Is What I Feel
Loving You Is All I Do
Needing You Is Everything I Say
No Matter What
I
Give
You
All
Of
Me
Forever

Put Me Down Inside, But I Will Build Strong

It's Been One Month.
I Miss You.
We All Miss You.
And You Know It.
But I Needed To Say It.
It's Hard.
Facing Each Day.
But With Hannah.
I Can Do It.
She Loves Me.
And I Love Her.
I Let Her Inside.
Fully.
And I'm Scared.
But I Know What You'd Say.
It's A Good Thing.
And I Trust Those Words.
I Swim Through Those Memories.
Thank You.
For Everything.
I Love You Brother.
Forever.
And.
Always.

I Needed To Say

I'm. An. Asshole.

Your Life And Mine

I don't want to live anymore. I don't know what it is, but I truely just do not want to live. It seems, everytime I try to do something right, it is countered by something bad, but that something bad, is ten times worse than what it would normally be. This time it's cutting the skin deep until it reaches the bone. I know I promised I wouldn't hurt my self, I swore it. So now I have to get into an accident. I'll go driving somewhere, I'll walk in places that say not to, just because I missed the sign. I don't know what to do anymore. I love her. I'm in love with her. I know she feels the same, but I always think she's just gunna up and leave, randomly. I don't want that to happen. I'm afraid to do something on the phone that will upset her. I'm afraid to say anything because it might change her mood in one certain way that could make her upset with me for the remainder of the day, and it always happens to be the very first thing I say. I don't get it. I want to be with her forever, and she told me she wants me here forever, but if so, then why is it I keep failing her? She says I'm amazing. HOW?! She has all these theories, I just want her to spill herself to me. Tell me everything, just like I've been desperately trying to do for the past three months now. I want to give her all that I am, but babygirl, this is a two way street, I've got my lane and you've got yours. Our speed limit has been posted but I'm either ten miles behind or twenty miles ahead. I never know when to stop or where, I just want to make you happy. And I get it, I am your happiness, but you never seem happy. I ask, 'did you smile today?' 'no', '-frowns deeply-' I just want you to laugh. Smile. Be happy. Life isn't over yet babygirl, we've got forever, why waste it being sad? We can miss people, yes, we can need them, yes, but we can't be sad every day and let it haunt us for the rest of our lives. And now I'm just ranting and being a total dick, because I know things are hard for you, and it hurts because you lost someone so close. But I've lost close ones too. I just want you to know, I DON'T MIND IF YOU CRY, SLEEP, LAUGH, SMILE, YELL, SHOUT, OR EVEN BE SILENT ON THE PHONE!! Because it's still you! It's the girl of my dreams. It's the girl I've fallen so heels over head in love with that I cannot go a single moment of my day without thinking about you. Hell, I know I'm even thinking in my sleep and it's always about you, every dream. You. Every moment. You. Every sigh. You. Every breath. You. You are the center of my world, I want to give you everything, show you life, love and happiness. I want to give you so much, but I feel like I'm continously failing. It hurts. It fucking hurts like hell, and when I give you that note in that car. When we get in that crash and I don't make it through. You'll know... I've dying inside every second I'm not with you. I've been dying inside every second I know you won't smile. I've been dying inside every second you want to cry, or die. I need you to be okay. I want you to be okay, because you make ME okay. You give me strength. You give me hope. And yes, I am showing you all of my flaws. I am an extremely depressed person. I can't help it, it's how I was born, but you wanna know the best part?? I know you won't mind!! I love it. So much more than these stupid simple little words can express. You make me superman. You give me spidey-strength. Just... let me in. Please, even if it's a centimeter, let me in. You're inside of me completely babygirl. You're swimming in my veins. Etched into my mind, and seeping throughout my skin. I love it. I love you. More than I could ever express to you. Because I'm devoting my whole life to you. I love you babygirl. I love you.

4:25 A.M.

I Miss You Hannah.
I Can't Stop Thinking About You.
I Love You.
I Found An Eraser.
And A Cool Hanger.
I Can Hang Stuff On It.
Why Is There A Fat Dude On My Tissue Box??
It's Asaln??
Who The Fuck Is That??
I Dunno.
I Love You Hannah.
You Made Me Stutter.
My Tummy Growled.
WHY DID IT GROWL?!
I Didn't Eat Today.
We Have Wayyy Too Much Toilet Paper Now. 0_0
zZzZzZzZzZz
WHAAA?!
Oh
Sorry
Uhm...
So...
Cool...
Yeah...
I Love You Hannah..
^^;;

For Hannah

I know it hurt you
It hurt me too,
But now that you are gone,
All I know is I miss you.

You were there for so long,
I never thought you would leave.
I thought you had so many years,
waiting up your sleeve.

That day you left,
Was the saddest of my life
I remember going home,
And crying all night.

I might be selfish,
But I wish you were still here.
Or if you stayed,
For at least one more year.

I know you loved me,
I still love you too,
So Im trying to be good,
Just for you.

I know Im not perfect,
I never will be.
But I hope your up there,
Proud of me.

You had to let go,
Even though you were holding on for so long
But theres not a day I dont think of you,
And how you were so strong.

You never complained,
Or said why me?
You just knew,
That thats the way it was meant to be.

So I just want to tell you,
Even though I still cry,
That I miss you so much,
And Im glad you said goodbye.
By Elanor

Babygirl, this day is hard for you. I know it is, and I'm sorry there's not much I can say and do for you to make it all go away. And those tears will keep falling, that heart will keep aching, but I am always here for you. Through every moment you need me. I love you with all that I am and all that I ever will be. You're my everything.

This day it might not shine, this moment it might not sparkle.
But those memories, they do linger.
For all I want is you.
And although I'm hurt and broken.
I know I'll make it through.
For hope is lasting.
As long as I have you.

Stars

Shine. Only. For. So. Long.

This Is Real

I'm on the phone with you again. Your voice is sinking within me. It's there, I can feel it. Burning inside of me, just ripping open my skin and pouring salt everywhere. I need you, god damn it, I need you. And you don't understand what you do to me. I wish you did. I wish you could see this. Feel me. Know I'm here, and I'm hurting. God, I'm fucking hurting like hell! All those beatings are shit to me, I'm hurting worse than anyone could ever imagine and I constantly wish to be more for you. TO show you how much I love you. How much I need you. But you won't get it. You don't need to. I'm a waste of time, everyone keeps telling me the same thing, I'm worthless. Nothing. Just another fuck. Empty. Unloved. And I should go die, alone. That's how I belong, and yet you stay!! YOU FUCKING STAY! Like you don't see this! I love you. I love you so much, but I'm terrible to you. I don't give you anything. I'm never good enough, and it's all I strive for. I want you so much. I need you, more than you'll ever know. I love you, more than I can ever express. I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I'm so sorry. I wish I was, and I want to be. More than anything, I want to be good enough for you. I'll never stop loving you. You have my heart, from now and forever on. I love you Hannah.

I love you.

Now Let This Sink Into My Soul Love. I Can Only Shine This Light For So Long Love. Can I be What You Need Love? I Am Only Me Love.

Letdown

She Said "You're Just A Letdown. Another One Of My Mistakes. I Never Loved You Anyway. I Never Did And I Never Will." She Said, "You're Just A Letdown. I Finally Found The Nerve To Say, I Never Loved You Anyway. I Never Did And I Never Will."

My Arms Could Be Just What You Need.
I'll Be Everything You Want.
And You'll See Everything You Need.
And Don't Waste Your Time Thinkin About Your Past.

My Childhood It Doesn't Last Forever
In This Place I'd Like To Live Forever
Since I've Felt Love It's Been Forever
It's Gone And Now It's Gone

Think Back, Think Back, To The Summertime
I Would Cross Through These State Lines
You Were Always On My Mind
It Should Not Be This Hard To See
How To Get From Point A To B
Without Losing Sleep, Without Losing Sleep

I Need Those Lips,
That Ignite My Bones, And Keep My Heart Afloat.
I'll Tear Down The Stars And I'll Give Them To You.
They're Not As Pretty As Your Eyes,
But I Guess It'll Have To Do.
I'll Tear Down The Stars,
We Can Ride It To The Moon.
I'll Float Till I Find You.
I Wouldn't Ever Let You Fall, Down.

Cause It's All Right
There's Nothing To Stop Us
If It Feels Right
Then Everything's Fine
For Just One Night
Then You Go Back To Your Life
And I'll Go Back To Mine

These Things Take Time, Love

This is what I have for you. This is what I'll show for you, this is all I can have. To never give up on us. To never give up on you. To hold all this weight on my shoulders, don't ever let it drop. Not a single tear may streak, not a single weak moment shall shine. I will overcome this pressure. I will not fade into the ground or fall to pieces. No blood may surface, nor the crushing blows of those words. You better know that I'm here forever love, that's the way it was meant to be. You and me. I'll bring you to those mountaintops. I'll fly you to those clouds, and we'll breathe underwater so you can see all the beauties of this world. Am I fighting for nothing? I know I'm fighting for something. Not just something.. everything.

With Me

Today I Thought About You.
I Thought About You And All Your Beauty.
I Thought About You And All Your Troubles.
I Thought About Your Smile And That Giggle I Love To Hear.
I Thought About Your Fingertips And Sighs.
Everything About You, I Thought About.
How I'll Never Leave Your Side.
How, Throughout It All, I Won't Let This Go.
How..
Everything's Nothing
Without You

I Love You Hannah♥

Yes

I'm sorry I'm not a liar.
I'm sorry I'm not a cheater.
I'm sorry I'm not a dickhead all the time.
I'm sorry I'm trying.
I'm sorry I love you.

I'm sorry

I'm not really sorry at all

Broken

I'll write these words until I die. I love you babygirl, I love you. It's 3:09 in the morning. And of course, you're all I'm thinking about. If he hears me, I really don't mind. I can't feel anything anyways, but I'm being quite for you. Can I ask you something? Am I worth it? I really didn't mean to hurt you, and I honestly can't believe I did. I feel empty. I truely do. It's hard taking in this breath and letting it out, you're inside of me. Inside of every part of me. I'm tingling. I can't move. I was stuttering earlier, wasn't I? Oh damn. I can't believe it. I can feel it. It's empty. I have a hole now. It's right there, in my chest. Empty. Wide open space. It lingers on you. Your voice.. it's seeped into my skull. I blink and I see your beautiful face. Ah. You're so gorgeous. You really are Hannah. I can't believe this. I'm suck a dick. I knew I was from the beginning. Fuck. I don't even deserve you. Do you really want me in your life? You can't possibly feel what I feel.. do you? I-I just can't believe this. I held you so high. You're my everything.. and who would've thought.. the one I was holding up kicks the back of my knees to watch me fall. Are you gunna catch me? I want to catch you. I want to hold you. Tell you I'm sorry, that I didn't mean it, because if I didn't even know I was saying it I obviously didn't mean it. You're all I want. And those words are repeating over and over again in my mind. This soul seems dead and gone. Gone away from here for the rest of my years to come. I won't get married unless it's you. I won't date unless it's you. I won't feel anything unless it's you. I promise you this much. I'm still not out of tears. Fuck. Everything is spilling out of me. You know that first night on the phone? That very first night I heard your voice? I've never stopped smiling since. Maybe on the outside, but deffinately not on this inside. You stole it girl. You ripped it right out my chest. Gripped it in your grasp, and hold it now. my heart. Is it still beating? I can't even tell. It's gone and there's no residue. Absolutely none. I want to show you what you've done to me. Want to know? You've destroyed my shell. I've got nowhere to run. You were my shelter. I've got nowhere to go. You're my everything. I can't let you go. I want you in my arms. I feel cold. Frozen. It's almost 88 degrees in this house and I'm shivering. There's major blood loss in my left leg right now because the laptop is cutting off all circulation. There's a spider next to me. Will he jump? Can he? Can I keep him? I want to stroke his back. Smile. Say. Jump spidey. Go. I wonder if he bites. Probably. But I won't take that risk. I'm allergic. Although the thrill. Ah fuck. What am I thinking? Won't that just cause you pain? I don't want to do that. No more pain. I won't let it happen. But it will happen. Whether I inflict it, or soemthing or someone else does. It'll happen. And when I talk to you, I'm gunna cry. I'm gunna hear that voice. Let it sink back into me. Smash this growing shell once more. You smash it with a mere 'hello.' Well, HELLO! I need somewhere to run! Where do I go? You've got no room behind your walls. And I can't come in. I want to. I'll keep knocking on that brick wall. Screaming. Shouting in agony. "I love you babygirl. Please let me in!"

I'm Walking Through Hell

Babygirl. I love you. I promise on Alex. Johnny. Synit, and especially Chris. I'll walk through hell for you. I'll do it every damned day of my life.

And if I could swim, I'd swim out to you in the ocean,
Swim out to where you were floating in the dark.
And if I was blessed, I'd walk on the water you're breathing,
To lend you some air for that heaving sunken chest.

'Cause they chose you as the model for their empty little dreams,
With your new head and your legs spread like a filthy magazine.
And they hunt you, and they gut you, and you give in..

And if I was brave, I'd climb up to you on the mountain,
They led you to drink from their fountain, spouting lies.
And I'd slay the horrible beast they commissioned
To steer me away from my mission to your eyes.
And I'd stand there, like a soldier, with my foot upon his chest,
With my grin spread, and my arms out, in my bloodstained Sunday's best,
And you'd hold me, and remind you who you are.. under their shell...

(chorus)
I'd walk through hell for you, let it burn right through my shoes
These soles are useless without you
Through hell for you, let the torturing ensue;
My soul is useless without you...

And if they send a whirlwind, I'd hug it like a harmless little tree
Or an earthquake, I'd calm it, and I'd bring you back to me,
And I'd hold you in my weak arms like a first born

I'd walk through hell for you, let it burn right through my shoes,
these soles are useless without you
Through hell for you, let the torturing ensue
My soul is useless without you..
(through hell for you)
(through hell for you)
Without you, without you...
(through hell for you)
Without you
(through hell for you)

Now I've walked through hell for you
What's an adventurer to do,
But rest these feet at home with you?

Again.. I'm stuck at words... words.. that are supposed to display everything I feel for you... and... I just hope I'm not failing...

All These Twisted Thoughts

Torn From My Chest And Laid At Your Feet.

I mean all these words. I sing all these verses. I cry all these tears. For you. Because I love you. I love all that you are, and I love you for who you are. I wanted to be something more for you. I don't know if I ever achieved that, but I can't let this go. You. You're my world. Hannah. You're my everything. In every dream you saved me. In every nightmare you cried for me. In every broken moment, you stood and fixed it. I feel myself sinking now. I never meant to hurt you, and I did. Something I even, had no control over it. Something I didn't even know was going on... and I can't take it back. I can't pretend like it didn't happen, or I knew what I was saying so I could go, "JUST KIDDING!" I can't do anything about it. The worst part is, I knew I would fail you. I knew it! I fail everyone in the end. I hate feeling so worthless. I'm at the beginning again, and I want to fight. I want to break down those walls, hold open my arms and smile, saying, 'Come here babygirl. Let me hold you.' Could this be out of line? To say you're the only one breaking me down like this. You're the only one I would take a shot on, keep me hanging on, so contagiously. I love you Hannah. I love you more than anything. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I can't go a single hour not thinking about you. But honestly. Right now. I feel dead. Wasted. I was only numb on one side. Now I can't feel anything. I have a soaked shirt right now. I can tell by my blurry vision peering at it. Tears. A tear stained face and broken eyes, staring lifeless at this screen, those tears ringing clear within my ears. Those tears I made you cry. Why? You don't deserve that babygirl. No more tears. Look to the skies. See this angel fly. Chris. Is it time for me to come yet? I can hear your laugh man. It's crystal clear. Alex. You look good. Johnny, long time no see. Synit. Why? Why me? I love her you guys. I love her with all that I am, and all that I'll ever be. I love her with all that I ever was. Nothing's changed. I don't have anyone else. I never did. She's all I want. All I need. I've been saying this since we started. But I kept telling myself she deserves better. Will she find it? I'm fighting for her. Does she want me to? I'm broken. It hurts. I've certaintly never felt this before. So many tears. I didn't know it was possible. The ground looks nice. I keep staring at it. Nothing else too interesting. Except for her... maybe this will hit me harder tomorrow. Maybe. Hopefully. Then I can scream to the skies and you can all watch this broken angel fly. Oh wait. I'm not angel. Nevermind.

Before I Go On

I Have To Scream This
Hannah
I LOVE YOU.

This Morning

I'll always need her.

I can't take this. It's killing me. Why do I need her so much? It's so.. fucking.. DIFFERENT!! I've never wanted someone this badly. Never needed someone in my life so much. All I can think about is her. All I dream about is her. Everything relates back to her in some way. Even when I have troubles at home. In the moment I think.. 'Hannah would punch her lights out right now if she could.' and it gets to me. I love her. I am in love with her. This feeling. Love. What is it? What does it mean? Why is it so strong? I want to give her every little piece of me on a silver platter, just fall to my knees in front of her and just go, 'Here you go. It's all there. Every little pathetic piece of me.' and you know what?? She's smile and say 'Thank you.' I know she would. And I would be more than satisfied. I'm wrapped so tight around her finger, I'm just hoping her circulation is still going well... I love her. GOD, DO I LOVE HER! EVERYTHING ABOUT HER!! From the little giggles and dumb jokes, to the stubborn 'no to everything' attitude. I love it all. It's safe to say I'm addicted. But she's better than drugs because she's actually good for me. She's amazing. She cares. She actually WANTS me in her life. And I continually sound cheesy in front of her and when I'm just writing about her. Like right now. I'm writing my heart out like there's no tomorrow for her because I STILL can't seem to get her off of my mind for a single second. EVERYTHING ABOUT HER IS SEEPED WITHIN MY SKULL! SET INTO MY BONES! AND SWIMMING IN MY BLOOD! She is a part of me now. And I want to scream it to the world because it feels so good. It feels... AH! AMAZING! I can't believe I've found her. I really can't. I had no idea she even existed. I thought she was just a dream. Everything I was setting my life on. I needed her forever and always, and now I have her. What is that?!?!?! SHE'S REAL?!?!?! I scream. It's so... unbelieveable. But I love it. She's everything. Everything I need. Everything I want. I'll go to the ends of the world for her and back. No matter what I need her in my life forever. And I won't let anyone steal her from me. If she wants to leave, she will. But I really don't think she does, and I love that more. She actually loves me. Me. The un-needed. Unlovable. Unwanted. Piece. Of. Shit. Me. HOLY FUCK!! She loves me!! How she does? I have no idea, but I am SOOO happy she does. It sets my soul alight. And keeps my breathing throughout the night. No matter what happens. What I go through. Who I meet. Or how things end up. I will ALWAYS love her. No matter what. Hannah Princess Avery. I. I'm in love with you.

. . . S o C o n t a g i o u s . . .

I Let You Inside Of Me
Now I'm Burning From Head To Toe
You've Sunk Inside Of My Skin
And I Don't Want Nobody Else
Everything About You Intoxicates Me
I Let My Head Lack Back
Hoping For Some Connection To You Once More
I Was Lost Inside Myself
Then You Came Along To Me
Found Me Inside This Shell Full Of Blood And Deciet
I Needed Life I Needed Love
You Gave It All To Me With Three Quick Words
I Love You
Now You're Running Through My Veins
Split Into This Charcoal Sky
Illuminating Me With Light
I'm Letting You Swim Inside My Veins
I've Fallen Into You
This Trap
This Deepening Want For You
I'm Falling For You With Every Single Second
You're So Contagious
And I Can't Get Away
Upon Your Lips I Hang
Inside My Mind You Stay
Captured My Heart Is What You've Done
The Edge Of Your Fingertips I Crave
Sunk Deep With My Heart You've Carved Your Name
And I'm Within Your Grasp
Babygirl
You've Got Me