Broken

I'll write these words until I die. I love you babygirl, I love you. It's 3:09 in the morning. And of course, you're all I'm thinking about. If he hears me, I really don't mind. I can't feel anything anyways, but I'm being quite for you. Can I ask you something? Am I worth it? I really didn't mean to hurt you, and I honestly can't believe I did. I feel empty. I truely do. It's hard taking in this breath and letting it out, you're inside of me. Inside of every part of me. I'm tingling. I can't move. I was stuttering earlier, wasn't I? Oh damn. I can't believe it. I can feel it. It's empty. I have a hole now. It's right there, in my chest. Empty. Wide open space. It lingers on you. Your voice.. it's seeped into my skull. I blink and I see your beautiful face. Ah. You're so gorgeous. You really are Hannah. I can't believe this. I'm suck a dick. I knew I was from the beginning. Fuck. I don't even deserve you. Do you really want me in your life? You can't possibly feel what I feel.. do you? I-I just can't believe this. I held you so high. You're my everything.. and who would've thought.. the one I was holding up kicks the back of my knees to watch me fall. Are you gunna catch me? I want to catch you. I want to hold you. Tell you I'm sorry, that I didn't mean it, because if I didn't even know I was saying it I obviously didn't mean it. You're all I want. And those words are repeating over and over again in my mind. This soul seems dead and gone. Gone away from here for the rest of my years to come. I won't get married unless it's you. I won't date unless it's you. I won't feel anything unless it's you. I promise you this much. I'm still not out of tears. Fuck. Everything is spilling out of me. You know that first night on the phone? That very first night I heard your voice? I've never stopped smiling since. Maybe on the outside, but deffinately not on this inside. You stole it girl. You ripped it right out my chest. Gripped it in your grasp, and hold it now. my heart. Is it still beating? I can't even tell. It's gone and there's no residue. Absolutely none. I want to show you what you've done to me. Want to know? You've destroyed my shell. I've got nowhere to run. You were my shelter. I've got nowhere to go. You're my everything. I can't let you go. I want you in my arms. I feel cold. Frozen. It's almost 88 degrees in this house and I'm shivering. There's major blood loss in my left leg right now because the laptop is cutting off all circulation. There's a spider next to me. Will he jump? Can he? Can I keep him? I want to stroke his back. Smile. Say. Jump spidey. Go. I wonder if he bites. Probably. But I won't take that risk. I'm allergic. Although the thrill. Ah fuck. What am I thinking? Won't that just cause you pain? I don't want to do that. No more pain. I won't let it happen. But it will happen. Whether I inflict it, or soemthing or someone else does. It'll happen. And when I talk to you, I'm gunna cry. I'm gunna hear that voice. Let it sink back into me. Smash this growing shell once more. You smash it with a mere 'hello.' Well, HELLO! I need somewhere to run! Where do I go? You've got no room behind your walls. And I can't come in. I want to. I'll keep knocking on that brick wall. Screaming. Shouting in agony. "I love you babygirl. Please let me in!"